I will not go into the steps of deciding if it’s right for you and your ex to be reunited or the reasons for breaking up. I will not go into whether it’s right or wrong for you, them, or both to be back in a relationship. There are other blogs and articles to help with that. This blog is intended to be positive, a pick-me-upper, and full of hope. This is for when you have hope and love and a strong belief that you two belong together and will be happier together.
1. If they broke up with you, think of why. Find the mistakes that were made and correct them.
2. If you’ve changed (for the better and in a way you want to change) in a way you know they wanted- don’t tell them, show them. They have no reason to believe you if they don’t see it.
3. Remember what made them fall in love with you in the first place. Show them that you’re still that wonderful, amazing person they wanted to be with so much.
4. Tell yourself that you need to be strong. This is hard and it won’t get any easier. It’s ok, you can handle it.
5. Bring up pleasant memories- how much fun you two had together.
6. If you did something wrong, say you’re sorry.
7. Inside jokes go a very, very, very long way- they’re as powerful as memories while adding a little humor- laughing makes people feel good and remember good times.
8. Don’t retaliate in any way, shape, or form.
9. Figure out the situation- is it better to let them right now that you want them back (you broke up with them or they broke up with you, but give a lot of signals showing they do want to be with you,) or if you should be casual and rebuild the friendship first (they’re very hurt over the breakup, they felt things were going too fast, ect.) Most people recommend cutting off all contact for a while. Most of the time that is the best idea. However, occasionally, when you know there’s a good chance they want you back- let them know right away before they enter a rebound relationship. If you let them know and they say ‘no’ then cut off contact for a while to recover and give them a chance to miss you.
10. If they did something wrong you’ll have to let go. Don’t demand or even expect a sorry. If you need it and they never say it, you’ll just get hurt.
11. Do things that make you feel good. Someone who feels good is more attractive than someone who is always sad.
12. Plan an activity together that could be casual, but has potential to lead to more- have lunch, coffee, hike, mini-golf, bowling, ect.
13. Don’t get clingy. No constant texts or calls or messages. It’s overwhelming.
14. Do something exciting together- excitement is stimulating, bonding, and generates good memories- try rock climbing, hiking, horseback riding, football games, river rafting, ect.
15. Tell them that you’ve been thinking about them.
16. Remember the things they loved- things you said to them, things you did together, things you did to them- and use that to your advantage- but not too much at once, begin slowly.
17. Make sure you listen to them a lot- their life, problems, joys, views on the breakup, ect.It builds the friendship.
18. Try little bits of romance- start very small with a text or a note or a flower. If they receive it well you can build up more.
19. Do not contact them when drunk.
20. Be busy. Do things with your friends, family, coworkers, or by yourself! It shows how you don’t need them and play hard to get- people tend to pursue what they can’t have.
21. Always be kind. Don’t make passive-agressive statments or bring up nasty bits of the past. If you want to be with them- you have to let that go.
22. Do not ever beg. It makes you feel bad and it doesn’t look much better to them. If you need to, politely ask to have a conversation in a public place so they can explain themselves further, but don’t push anything at that point.
23. Small ammounts of physical contact is helpful- brus their hand when walking close, just for a second. Move a piece of hair from their eye or off their shirt. Little touches go a long way.
24. Don’t try to make them jealous. If they don’t get jealous it’ll hurt your feelings. If they do get jealous it will hurt theirs. You may end up in a jealousy war- not fun.
25. Don’t give ultimatums. They’re not good for relationships- ever.
26. It’s always a good idea to find ways to improve yourself all the time. It’s especially good after a break up to help keep you moving forward.
27. Be supportive of them- it feels good and they know that you’re always in their corner- no matter what. It lets them trust you.
28. Continue talking to other people. It’s ok to even flirt a bit- you’re single right now and flirting gives you confidence. (It’s even better when the flirting is with your ex.)
29. Do not enter another relationship or sleep with other people.
30. Don’t say too much behind their back. They need to know that they can still trust you with their secrets even when things are rough. Still speak highly of them to friends and family- so they’ll be more supportive with the reunion.
31. Enjoy your time apart. Sometimes that’s why things ended. Enjoying yourself is important and not only will make you more appealing, but will help the relationship in the future.
32. If you were together for a very long time or married before you broke up then seek couples’ counsling.